It’s week 2 of the One Yellow Rabbit intensive, and I am reflecting on Denise Clarke’s instructions during yoga practice: don’t train hatred into the nervous system. Her reminder is to be gentle on our bodies so that in our practice we find a sense of joy instead of effort.
It struck a chord in me.
What a compelling idea that in a world that sometimes feels chaotic & unforgiving we can train our bodies to respond with joy & poise. In a body that sometimes feels inadequate & scared I can train my nervous system to respond with calm attentiveness.
I am the eye of the storm.
What have I trained into my body? How many layers of fear, doubt, and self loathing? How many generations are carried in the body? When am I practicing carving a new nueral pathway for myself? And when am I giving in to muscle memory of destructive habits?
What is the quality of my actions?
Are my actions serving the work?
Of course there is no definitive answer.
It’s all practice, action to observation to action, an ongoing study of self.
Why I originally started this blog three years ago was to have an accountability partner when I felt like I had no one else in my life to be a sounding board while I re-dedicated myself to my unschooling roots – the world is my class room: learning all the time. It gradually morphed somewhere along the way to mostly be a platform for my poetry & creative writing. Although I intend to keep those practices alive & well here, I am seeking a return to original purpose.
A place to gather my thoughts. Somewhere to collect my data about the external world & parse my creative soul. Fuel for the creative fire.
In addition to curating the weekly 5x lists, monthly year of yin reflections, vivid dreams & random poetry, I want to undertake more organized thought & documentation around creation – what the necessary ingredients are, how to get them, when & where creates the best work, and perhaps who else is out there making something of interest.
This note is as much for my intention setting as for your information. Which is to say part of my accountability plan.
A circle is never complete always (r)evolving.
May the quality of my actions be full of loving kindness, my thoughts full of generous non-judgement, and my heart full of radical vulnerability.
Self Study 