Change of seasons

Things that I don’t feel like doing anymore & don’t know why:

  1. Drinking alcohol to get drunk
  2. Making accommodations for relationships that don’t fuel me
  3. Putting on the pretence of happiness
  4. Taking nudes & selfies
  5. Getting angry over the news
  6. Holding space for people not invested in my well being 
  7. Working myself to the bone
  8. Working for free
  9. Skipping meals
  10. Putting myself second

Things that I am craving & I don’t know why:

  1. Time alone uninterrupted
  2. Time in silence among the trees
  3. Slow jams & female vocalists
  4. Non-violent TV & media
  5. Tidy living space
  6. Manual labor
  7. Wholistic foods & meals
  8. Meaningful connections
  9. Patience in thoughts
  10. Opportunity to grow new roots

Things that I am doing & I don’t know why:

  1. Looking forward to going to work
  2. Giving up on detailed long term plans
  3. Posting less on social media
  4. Reading less & consuming less media
  5. Talking to the point of excess with people near me
  6. Thinking to the point of excess about how my actions are impacting others
  7. Snapping at people I am not close to over small inconveniences 
  8. Feeling guilty for not taking care of everyone around me at the expense of myself
  9. Unable to formulate thoughts & ideas into complete written words
  10. Looking for reasons to base how I feel off of

Things that I am not doing & I don’t know why:

  1. Sitting down to meditate
  2. Talking to my friends about how I’m feeling
  3. Writing 
  4. Practicing yoga at home
  5. Working on my creative pursuits
  6. Looking for another job
  7. Concerning myself about finances 
  8. Feeling depressed, suicidal, or hopeless
  9. Starting new projects or latching onto new ideas
  10. Longing for something or someone that is not already here with me
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5x nurture inner nature

Turns out I am thinking about lots of things with lots of links to share. 

Enjoy

  1. The Beginners Guide to Unschooling via Zen Habits – this is the best online description of unschooling I have been able to find it also has a great further reading list at the end for those looking to learn more.
  2. Mood Disorders & Creativity – Johns Hopkins Lecture Series with Dr. Jamieson
  3. How Nature Can Make You Kinder, Happier, More Creative 
  4. The Art of Observation and Why Genius Lies in the Selection of What is Worth Observing via Brain Pickings
  5. I’m a huge fan of the album Flash & Yearn by tooth ache. You can learn more about her on She Does here
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Stillness

Our society is uncomfortable with stillness.

We are always trying to move on, get over it, work through it, tackle, run, push, stretch, jump, fight, overcome.

I’ve been experiencing a lot of stillness this past week as I grieve the sudden loss of a dear friend. During this unintentional experiment in stillness I have learned a great deal about how truly uncomfortable this makes people.

I’ve been greeted by anger, frustration, indignation, incredulity, suspicion , anxiety, aggression, seduction, accusation, and bewilderment all from perfect strangers. It puts people ill at ease to see someone not actively engaged in doing something, anything, so long as they are perceivably busy.

I’m in no place to try and guess why this might be. It is simply an observation from the past week that I have noted.

Maybe I am the one that is disoriented and perceiving things incorrectly. I certainly feel like it. Grief is it’s own kind of creative process. My body is the conduit for it, not made up of it, for there is certainly more than my small frame could hope to contain.

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