He has been watching you. He knows where you live. It could be any of them. Which traces of you will they find. Half written emails to friends, unsent nudes, bookmarked buzzfeed articles. Was she a good person? Did she deserve this? Don’t answer the door. Laugh and make excuses. You prefer to eat alone. You prefer to be anonamouys to your audience. You wish to work in private. They still find you. They want their own private piece of you. Witch hunt. Hide in the closet until he goes away. Fall asleep. Become aware of the darkness pressed close against your open eyes. Sticky hot remembering. He’s coming for you. Fight heavy lethargy pinning you to the bed. Will your body to escape these bonds of sleep. Friendly hand pushing you down again. Go back to sleep. Everything is fine. Fight harder. Feel the terror grow. Violation of your body spreads deep to your core. Voice straining a scream against sleep leadend vocal chords. Screams no one hears. Only managing a whispering moan. The undead speaking to the soon to be dead. Silent warning. Finally a gasp, sticky hot night sucked suddenly sputtering, startled heart. a start. Alone in bed hag ridden the storm has passed in cold sweat. awake true? Safe at last??
In my dream our bodies bled together like watercolours, merging hues, new distinct patterns, skin on skin or skin under skin. A light that is indistinguishable. Each exhalation new release. Each inhalation new friend. All one movement. Time is still. There is a soft glow radiating outwards as I pull you into me. This time we come together. As one expression of the same thought. A perfect whole. Then we’re scattered again. As far as the eye can see. Maybe you never came to me at all. Maybe I only went through the act of searching you out to give my heart something to ache about. I am at home in my sadness like a cozy sweater. It scratches me in all the right places. Like I know you could too if I would stop inventing reasons to bury the hatchet. Pet cementary of insatiable desires. I am a magnet at the centre of the earth. I am a sleepwalker trapped in memories of myself. I am a note taker diligent in my observations of the half remembered. I am you, the pieces of me I’ve forgotten how to love. I am home the place I’ve been running away from. I am lover passionate mistress over my desires. I am dreamer the holy one that is reborn each morning.