A shadow rising

Today, I’ve been thinking about love & trauma. How they intersect in my body. Where my body intersects with the world that doesn’t want it in all it’s fragile chipped paint glory. I’m broken in many of the same ways you are. Each a unique shard of character digging into my side. Some days I can grin & bear it. Then don’t you love me triumph blazing for lifting myself over the scattered lost causes to ride again. Some days it’s too much & I cry out bitter tears. Then don’t you love me as a engine that just won’t start with out your black calussed hands to tinker with my loose parts. I am of course neither meant to be paraded or puttered. Not a badge nor a band aid. I did not live these experiences for your education or entertainment. What have you done today to dismantle the oppressive systems in your life? I am no charity case. I’ll sing for my supper until the canary is horse in the coal mine. What will you do? Are you waiting for your charming princess to save you? Bat her eye lashes & cares be gone? Do you think if only there were one special someone out there to understand you that suddenly the world would seem so much more understandable? What if you had gentle hands to take the edge off this long lonely labour of living? Would things be alright then? I am the one of gentle hands, sparkling eyes, and solemn reflection. I am not ok. Who am I to look to? The princess casts her own hair down to invite her would be saviour. My locks are shaved to prevent such poltergeists from entering these hallowed temples. Fairytales are children’s things & I am a child to the unknown. Searching. Searching. Searching. Under each new turned leaf is a chrysalis bursting with insight. I am love true love. And I am here to share it with those who are willing to put the work into their own reflections. These are mine, hop scotched & rambling. I keep one foot out the door & one hand over my heart. A swearing jack who thinks with oaths to face the matter out. I swear, and swear, and swear, and yet still the longing creeps in with her mischievous grin. Come in old friend, come in.


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